Main | January 2003 Â

December 24, 2002

Distinguished, with sideburns.

“The hymen is the mythical beast of the century
in this, the Age of the Tampon.”
--Dustin Reed

Does the Christmas Spirit really lessen the numbers of scowls from strangers on the street? Does it really soften the blows of the elbows thrown in a ruthless effort to obtain the last Tickle Me Elmo? Is the Christmas Spirit in you?

I think it was not until this year, right now, that I fully appreciated the beauty that is the annual, 24-hour showing of “A Christmas Story” on TNT. Is it because many conversations of late have touched on this tradition and reminded me? No. For the first time - while reviewing my list of back-to-back family events and the prospect of being trapped in my home without seeing the light of day for nearly 36 hours oh my goodness - I thought to myself “Ahhh, ‘A Christmas Story!’ Kati, when you get home from Christmas Eve Dinner, and are bravely trying to hide your contempt and fear for the innumerable hours that must pass before Christmas Morning and Christmas Dinner will be over, know that there is a light at the end of your tunnel! ‘A Christmas Story' will be on, and on, and on, to serve as a distraction for as many hours as you can possibly be confined to your house. Hooray!” Perhaps there is miracle cure to this Yuletide crisis. Hey…maybe we can turn this thing around? Whaddya say, Wally?!

Ahhh, sweet visions of post-Christmas-Dinner drinking dance in my head. I would wager that’s about 28 hours away.



Oh God…

Posted by kati at 05:05 PM

December 21, 2002

"Silence, Peasant!"

A group viewing of Star Trek TNG yielded us this gem:

The humorous image of off-duty Captain Picard wearing a uniform-like coat over a grey-colored, uniform-like top generated the phrase “coat over the loungewear.” In an attempt to write this down –

Kati: I need…(laughter) Sean! Pen!
Kelly: Sean Penn?!
Sean (in a drug-induced stupor): Ohhh, dude…

Hmmm… maybe funnier at the time. But we said we’d include the quote. Didn’t we? DIDN'T WE!!

Ah, well. Perhaps the best news of all is the temporal return of many of the energetic heavyweights on my social plane. At least the holidays are good for that. Ex: The Irish girls* (see Irish Girls) are in town, and today marks the return of the Unstoppable Force – Miss Amber Turnock.* (see Amber). Perhaps holiday merriment is indeed on the way.

Irish Girls: The quotient of my good friends who happen to be huge personalities, and quite Irish to boot. They are Miss Katie Murrin and Ms. Kelly Brennan (also referred to as ‘The Best Friend’).

Amber: The ridiculous individual who is almost too much of a character to be believed. Not for the faint of heart. To call her enthusiastic is to drastically undersell. Fun follows her around, and she’s super cute. (Too cute really, she’s one of them, but you can easily forgive her that). Today’s return is after a 4 month absence that she spent in Air Force boot camp and on base. This is only noteworthy because Amber is NOT someone you would place in the armed forces. Her military career was once said to be like “a combination of ‘Legally Blonde’ and Pauly Shore’s ‘In the Army Now’.” She's a hoot.

Hopefully some of you out there will get to experience them during holiday-related festivities. I know some of you already have…

Posted by kati at 01:34 AM

December 18, 2002

Don't drink the water

“Hey little sister, what have you done?
Hey little sister, who’s the only one?”

The following topic of conversation has, on three separate occasions, drawn several skeptics and naysayers completely into it - and resulted in many a humorous comment. The topic is simply: What if frogs could drive?

Now I realize that this question could easily be met with raised eyebrows of sarcastic befuddlement or smirks of condescension, (appropriate moment for deliberate clearing of throat) however, it sneaks up on you. In past experience, if this topic is brought to light by two or more people theorizing about a life with frogs on the roadway, people start chiming in ideas. Nevermind that moments before they thought it was imbecilic drivel…now they have a thought about it.

Some of the more creative inputs include:

1. Would frogs drive small, frog-sized cars, or would they drive the regular sedans and sports cars that had been custom-fitted to have a frog at the helm? (a small, raised seating module, and smaller, localized car controls well suited for webbed operation, for example). The general consensus of the time felt that the latter would be true…if frogs could drive.

2. The idea of pulling up at a stop sign, looking over, and having a frog turn its little amphibian head to look back at you. Getting into a stop sign, right-of-way, waving war with a frog. Also, frog road rage.

3. If frogs could drive, would there be species profiling? Cops pulling frogs over left and right because “their tail light is out”.

I hope that, if you are still reading this, those were examples enough to satiate your hungry imagination. But really, with an idea as odd as this, anything is a reasonable thought on the matter. Give it a try some time if you feel the need. This one, oh-ho yes, this one can go anywhere.

Also note: The inexplicably addictive quality of a gibberish language where every vowel is simply replaced with an “oo” sound. Weird.

Posted by kati at 03:06 AM