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December 18, 2002

Don't drink the water

“Hey little sister, what have you done?
Hey little sister, who’s the only one?”

The following topic of conversation has, on three separate occasions, drawn several skeptics and naysayers completely into it - and resulted in many a humorous comment. The topic is simply: What if frogs could drive?

Now I realize that this question could easily be met with raised eyebrows of sarcastic befuddlement or smirks of condescension, (appropriate moment for deliberate clearing of throat) however, it sneaks up on you. In past experience, if this topic is brought to light by two or more people theorizing about a life with frogs on the roadway, people start chiming in ideas. Nevermind that moments before they thought it was imbecilic drivel…now they have a thought about it.

Some of the more creative inputs include:

1. Would frogs drive small, frog-sized cars, or would they drive the regular sedans and sports cars that had been custom-fitted to have a frog at the helm? (a small, raised seating module, and smaller, localized car controls well suited for webbed operation, for example). The general consensus of the time felt that the latter would be true…if frogs could drive.

2. The idea of pulling up at a stop sign, looking over, and having a frog turn its little amphibian head to look back at you. Getting into a stop sign, right-of-way, waving war with a frog. Also, frog road rage.

3. If frogs could drive, would there be species profiling? Cops pulling frogs over left and right because “their tail light is out”.

I hope that, if you are still reading this, those were examples enough to satiate your hungry imagination. But really, with an idea as odd as this, anything is a reasonable thought on the matter. Give it a try some time if you feel the need. This one, oh-ho yes, this one can go anywhere.

Also note: The inexplicably addictive quality of a gibberish language where every vowel is simply replaced with an “oo” sound. Weird.

Posted by kati at December 18, 2002 03:06 AM


i think the important question to ask is: Where would they drive to? i mean, they have to stay near water, right? would they chase garbage trucks on account of the flies? would frogs be presumed incapable of negligence, or would there be an "adult (human) activity" exception?

Posted by: holohan at December 18, 2002 07:29 AM

I'll go with the custom-made cars idea, sort of like the little alien controlling a robot human body in men in black.

about time you updated, newbie.

Posted by: didofoot at December 18, 2002 08:16 AM

Tadpoles wouldn't be allowed to drive after midnight, or have other tadpole passengers without a note from their frog parents. French chefs would cruise dangerous stretches of the highway, ready to "rescue" any crashed amphibians. A good number of frogs would claim that, due to their amphibious nature, they need to drive enormous all-terrain vehicles. Their back windows would feature a tiny sticker of Calvin pissing on a toad.

Posted by: sean at December 19, 2002 09:09 AM

hello kati.

i think we need to seriously consider this. we'd have to invent a new video game, 'Peopler'. or choose a neutral third party animal that doesn't inspire human emotion. maybe puppies, and call it 'Dogger'. because Frogger, would it still be fun? or just sick.

i haven't yet encountered a thought experiment that would require changing the fundamental rules of Ms. Pacman, though. that game is completely perfect.

Posted by: allen at December 22, 2002 12:11 PM

u need to get real just listen to me ya told me she smell like pee. I just look at her ad said wee

Posted by: nasheba at June 2, 2004 05:25 AM


Posted by: Mike at June 3, 2004 02:29 AM