A Christmas Conversation | Main | Over It All Over Â

December 27, 2003

Dead in the Water

"...and tell it like it is
it's like the old man said
We're dead in the water now
Dead in the water..."

So after a few weeks of work and play, another theatrical production comes to its end tomorrow. My first in San Diego, actually. It's been a good one, but unlike many others I have experienced, I am quite ready for it to be over. In some ways it's been grand - I've made some friends and was lucky to meet some good people along the way, and in other ways I can't wait to throw in the proverbial towel and get the hell out of there.

What I've learned:

1. You don't have to be a dick to be a good actor, but some people didn't get the memo. Oh well.
That's the way it's been since the dawn of time. I love that some don't find it necessary to buy into that crap. Those are the good ones.

2. Some people are NOT going to like me. I must accept that no matter what I do, or how much I want someone to like me, I may just make them crazy and ain't nothing to be done about it.

Now what a person chooses to do with this scenario is another story altogether. Sadly, I live in the real world, where "grown ups" have more power than I do: financially, socially, in a jell-o wrestling pit, wherever. I need to remember this, and remember that there is no use trying to buck the system. Conventional wisdom is about as flexible as raw spaghetti, and little old me won't be able to change that. sigh.

So I'm declaring game over. On this show I was the new girl, and I tried my GodDAMNDEST to get along, to fit in and be well-liked. I think I'm a reasonably likable gal. But in some cases, no dice. Hence: the declaration of game over. I'm calling it on account of rain.

I don't care if you like me or hate me. If my life or my friends or my hair or my pants make you angry or nervous or green with envy. Whatever. You can play that game if it makes you feel better. I won't. You win. You're not bringing me down there with you.

It's not that I don't like you. Sure I do.
But I'm not going to kiss anybody's ass so they'll like me, especially if I already know quite well that they never will. I'm just not going to do that. And frankly, it makes me a little sad that people work that way.

But they do ... conventional wisdom blah blah blah.

So at the end of this show, what I really learned:

1. I am thankful for the people who come into my life with every new experience. The ones who are worthwhile just appear. I don't have to work to get them there.

2. I am SO thankful for the San Francisco/Berkeley theatre scene. I didn't know how lucky I was to be a part of it for so long, and I can't wait to get back into it later on.

3. I am 20 years old, and I am done compromising at work. I'm good at what I do, and I'm only going to get better. If people have a problem with me then it's theirs to deal with - because I am here, and I'm going to live my life and do my job.

4. A little kindness goes a hell of a long way. And so does a little of the other thing.

.... and that I can remember

Posted by kati at December 27, 2003 06:28 PM


I salute your revelation.

About a year or two ago, I came to terms with the idea that not everybody has to like me (which is a big deal for us Libras). And I've been more honest and *way* more bitchy ever since. Being nice is for sissies!

Posted by: robyn at December 28, 2003 12:46 AM

I'm still going to be nice, I'm just not playing the bullshit game.

And woman, you know how much I respect your Libra frankness. You're not bitchy to me, you're frank. You can say what the hell you mean. You give us other Libra sissies something to strive for.

Posted by: kati at December 28, 2003 11:14 AM