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March 19, 2003

Seeking the Baffler Meal

St. Patrick's Day was entirely enjoyable this year - lots of corned beef, green beer ....err, I mean cosmos, and Irish-themed hooplah. The glowing highlight however, came at the behest of our very own Didofoot, who I will now pronounce as Queen of All She Surveys.

At a St. Pat's party in Benicia, a young fellow approached the crew with a rather bloated impression of himself. He was either really moronic, really drunk, or both - as he clearly though himself to be the hottest shit there. He claimed his nickname to be "The Smart Guy" though I never heard anyone other than him call him that. Shocking. I would tell you his real name, but I don't actually know it. In any case, he turned his attention to Kristen, trying to impress her with a demonstration of wit, and asked her political affiliation. Without batting an eye, Kristen nonchalantly remarked that she was a militant Young Republican. Game, set, match - he was suckered in, and it was truly over before it began, but the unraveling of our "smart guy" was more than entertaining. He had no idea that he was talking to three people who really don't have hugely emphatic political views (Aaron later commented on how much he admires Kristen's nihilism), or that they were heaping total untruths upon him from start to finish.
Like a master, Kristen quickly wove a web of lies to ensnare the poor fool, with Aaron and Gene flanking her with artfully conservative rhetoric. With every half-assed rebuttal he could think to come up with, Kristen would feed him an ultra-right-wing response that only served to further incense him. He was eating it all up, firing off loaded questions and snide remarks in an attempt to imitate a Larry King-esque interrogation. Kristen, however, remained totally unflustered by his fervor, and her calmness clearly unsettled him.
By this point, I'd like to note that watching this back and forth was like watching three Siamese cats playfully batting around a bit of prey - something they intended to consume entirely, but not before they were satisfactorily entertained.
The whole thing lasted quite awhile, with Kristen, Aaron, and Gene leading this halfwit around by the nose, their comments growing more ruthless. Eventually, the argument reached its pinnacle when Aaron thought of the most extremely inflammatory thing he could say, and said it. The rest of the Young Republican contingent burst into loud, appreciative laughter, and the Smart Guy lost his cool altogether. He made a last-ditch effort to win this mental engagement by trying (unsuccessfully) to get in Gene's face. Commendably, Gene was able to refrain from laughing directly in the kid's face. Then he wandered off and that was that.

Anyway, Kristen left soon after, feeling that perhaps she had done wrong by infuriating this pea-brained party-goer. As she and Gene left, I was asked by several bystanders to thank them for their efforts, as the Smart Guy was known to be "irritating, at best."
And I thank you, Kristen, for your wonderful display of control and intelligence. I'm sorry that the jackass harassed you in the first place, but I thought your handling of the situation was hysterical. Please come out again, and lie to more people I don't know.

That's right, Nate Dogg, it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none.

Posted by kati at March 19, 2003 01:06 PM


aw, thanks, vol. it's always nice to have an entire blog devoted to me. I mean, a blog other than my blog.

Posted by: didofoot at March 19, 2003 01:33 PM

I have to commend Ms.V, and Didofoot(though I had no idea at the time you were in fact the legendary steel-toed Didofoot), and Mr.Wood for that moment of comedy. For those of you who weren't there, "Boy of irritation" was truley the Ritz of all crackers. Ah, but I showed him in my own way as I gleefully ganked a Guiness from his ungaurded stockpile! Shazaam.

Posted by: Mike at March 19, 2003 02:18 PM

Man, I do really wish that shit could have been captured on tape. All were in fine form that night.

Posted by: kati at March 19, 2003 02:27 PM