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March 15, 2003

Wife Shopping

Aaron, Khurram, and I spent some time browsing through pictures of potential brides for our very own Prince. Apparently, there were some more recent snapshots of the lovely Pakistani girl his mother had chosen for him. Khurram conceded that she looked better than he had looked the first time they had met – but at that time he was 9 and she was 7. Still, he had his reservations. He’s looking for something a little more “hip,” he says.

Well maybe he’s right, maybe he can do better. She’s pretty, sure, but is she marrying pretty? Could she keep up with a gentleman of leisure?

Potential wife #2 is a young girl at Cal, who attended Khurram’s high school. Although we didn’t get to see pictures of her, Khurram says she’s out because she’s too young. She’s only 19. I mean, what would they talk about? (At this point Aaron interjects that a 19-year-old is at an optimum breeding age, and all three of us take a moment to reconsider the Cal student.)

But seriously, finding a wife can be a challenge for anyone, but even worse when you are tied down to the limitations of Pakistani girls with dowries, who are willing to marry someone they don’t know very well, and who are between the ages of 23 and 26.

Suggestion: A questionnaire or survey of some kind. Very standard kind of stuff.

1. Oral sex: a.-never b.-once in a while c.-continually
2. Name three recurrent characters played by Dana Carvey on SNL.
3. Which statement do you agree with: “Not before marriage.” or “Not before breakfast.”
4. How much money does your father have?
5. Rate yourself in bed on a scale of 1 to 10
6. Are you “good wife” material, or do you talk back?

Possibly some questions regarding her family’s genetic health record, willingness to breed, ability to cook and clean, level of education, etc. But come on now, one must prioritize, or the poor girl will be writing forever.

So maybe we should all keep our eyes open and do our part to help. I’m sure I can find him a nice girl, and I know just what I would say:
“Yeah, I have this friend….he’s a hell of a guy. Very stylish, punctual, tall. Feel like marrying him? How about coffee?”

God, I always cry at weddings.

Posted by kati at March 15, 2003 06:45 PM


"Not before marriage/Not before breakfast" originally appeared as part of "A Pakistani and a Korean in Conversation: The Nizami-Lee Dialogues", a Norton Hall chalkboard art piece from 1998 (Bill Sykes).

Posted by: copyright notice at March 15, 2003 11:34 PM

Uh-oh, I smell a cease-and-desist letter brewing. My apologies.

Posted by: kati at March 16, 2003 03:09 AM


Posted by: kalasha at May 17, 2003 03:31 PM