Bar maids | Main | Eu, Gene. Â

November 10, 2003

Black Ops Sunday

Sunday Mission: An evening in the Natural Hotsprings of Murrieta.
Ops team: Kati, Kelly, Alan, and Theo
Armed with: New headlight for Mission Vehicle, burgers, swimsuits, towels, half a gallon of cheap wine, U.S. Geological Survey Map.

Short-term Mish 1: Locate Hotsprings -
Our USGS map lead us to residential housing, past a Christian "hot springs" resort. The Christian at the front gate said that there hadn't been hotsprings there in 8 years. Really? We suspected the Christian compound had something to hide, though that wouldn't seem too Christian of them, now would it?
Still, we followed our internet directions to a dark and sleepy cul-de-sac. We also happened to be in the midst of a retirement community, so no one was about. We spotted a public easement leading to a trail beside one of the homes, and slipped to do some stealth mission reconnaissance.

Spotted hotsprings down the trail. Moved in for closer surveillance. Most of the sulfurous pools had been converted into decorative fountains. We were now clearly on Christian property, having snuck in through the back. The eerie part was - for all the steaming springs and sprawling lawns and bridges and paths and fountains we encountered, there was not ONE human. Nowhere. Black Ops Team found a suitable spring, and we returned to the car to regroup before infiltration.

Short-term Mish 2: Undercover Infiltration - after a quick briefing (wine), and some clothing removal, we returned to enemy territory. Now people could be seen walking around and the team was nervous. Surveillance of the newcomers revealed them to be students of some kind, so we decided to infiltrate by "hiding in plain sight." Our stealth mission had become an undercover operation. We finally reached our spring, and after some debate, disrobed and hopped in. We were clearly on a main path of travel, with students walking or biking by, looking once and then keeping their eyes fixed on the ground. Eventually, one zealous Christian approached.
First Christian: Are you guys students?
Me: No. We're visitors. Why? Isn't this allowed?
First Christian: Yeah, I mean we don't allow men and women to be in the hot tub together. The pool's ok, but if you aren't students ... I guess it's fine.

Later, we were approached again.
Second Christian: Are you students?
Me: No, we're guests. We were told we were ok here.
Second Christian: Well, are you married?
(awed silence) Me: No we're not.
Second Christian: Well I think the same rules still apply. If you want to hang around, you should get dressed.

Female Ops Team members dressed and left the boys bathing, assigning husbands and marriage dates to each, and headed to the trail above the campus so Kelly could have a cigarette - as I was sure *that* would not be allowed on the campus. Upon return, the rest of the team was not at Bravo location, so it was assumed they had retreated to Alpha location (car). On our way up, we were accosted by security, our cover blown.

Security: First of all, don't go up there. That's the men's dorm.
(we step down)
Second of all, can I help you with something?
Female Ops Team: Lies. Lies lies and more lies.
Security: Well you're trespassing so I should have you arrested, but just get out of here. Go straight down that road and get out of here. Now. Go.

After much stealth running, we found ourselves *above* the men's dorms. Two enemy spies were at their cars (one of which had a huge decal of Christ with His thorny crown on the back windshield - yikes!) We tortured them for information, and eventually got back to the trail. Male Ops was right behind us, and we made it safely back to HQ.

Mission: accomplished.

Posted by kati at November 10, 2003 12:54 PM


awesome. i bow to your superior lying skills.

Posted by: didofoot at November 10, 2003 02:39 PM